Life goes on....

Tough day, emotionally, for me, after a tough week. Week? Haha, pretty much from the start of the year, as far as David goes. Another visit to the ER for my husband David yesterday. Still no resolution of course, not much they could or would do at this point. Chug, chug, chug...

A year ago my Mom passed away and I awoke feeling tearful. Today, July 26th, my dear long-time companion, Katy, who I've mentioned before on this blog, passed away.

 Oh, this is for birds?

Sure, she was just a stray from the Humane Society, but she gave me as much happiness as any pet could give. Being around 20 years old, she hadn't been well for a while and while I knew "her time" was near, I'm still devastated.

Being already high in the "grief-alert" category, and with everything else that has happened this summer and with yet to find a physician who seems to care a flying fig what happens to my husband's shoulder, I'm ill-prepared to handle the raw nerves exposed in grieving. Yet, just having laid to rest my dear cat in one of her favorite go-to spots, here it's difficult to dwell on loss when I'm surrounded by life in its extreme and wild beauty...colorful birds, flowers, trees, butterflies, bees, and dragonflies going on about their daily lives, oblivious to my loss. I see Katy everywhere I look, and probably always will. Heck, I still hear the sound of my golden retriever's chain when he walked and I lost him in 2000!

Katy, you may have been "just another cat" but you were, and always will be, precious to me. Thank you for the joy you gave me all these years. I hope I made you happy, made you feel loved, and that you lived a life a cat dreams of.

And, Mom? Yeah, I still miss you like crazy. I woke up thinking about how you giggled about the corniest jokes and I began the day crying. I still break down when I see your phone number in my contacts, but I can't bring myself to delete the entry. They say time is the great healer, but I'm not sure what healing even means anymore.

Yes, I'm pushing myself through this...I'm still an infant in many ways emotionally. PTSD had kicked my behind for years, shred my life into tatters, and sifting through the past few years of what's supposed to be left of me has been more of an ordeal than I expected, and am still unable to handle much. I've gained some strength and determination in ways I never had or expected before, though but don't realize it until they're called upon. Perhaps we get dealt what we need to make it to the next level. Maybe I can try to not feel that pain and loss, but feel that bliss, that comfort, that comes from having loved, and been loved.

Here in the Shawnee Forest, you can't see the sadness for the trees.

And life goes on....

The Boat!

Yesterday, I mentioned a new exciting addition to our life and since I'm sure all my readers are dying of suspense (haha), I wanted to fill you in...we got a boat! David had actually come across this months ago at the Golconda marina and had agreed to purchase it then (when he was still under the impression he was getting better after his shoulder surgery!) but the guy we bought it from wanted to do a bit of work on it before we exchanged the dough (gulp!) for the title, so it wasn't until recently that we took our maiden voyage.

It's a 1990 27' Bayliner (Ciera Sunbridge 2755) and it's an unbelievably exciting time for us! We did regret buying it for a while, just after David's setback in mid-June, but 1) we had agreed to buy it and didn't want to go back on our deal, and 2) we felt we needed something like this in our lives (while relatively young and healthy enough to enjoy it) and as encouragement for David to get better. Mentally that is extremely important! We liked that this was already at the marina, where we planned to keep it anyway, and wouldn't have to hassle moving one there...the likelihood of finding a deal such as this again later is slim. And furthermore, this opens up a whole new world for photography! Go for the gusto, right?

So, on July 1st we took our (very short) maiden voyage! (Photo taken by the Doug The Marina Guy) 

My first ride in a boat was agonizingly terrifyingly wonderful! Having grown up in the prairie on a farm and having lived in mid-state Illinois my entire life before recently moving here, the most I was around water was sloshing in puddles after a big rain and the little creek that ran through my parents' pasture. Talk about different! Admittedly I was worried about David handling the boat (yes, he does have boating experience) but after his second surgery, his ability to use his right arm at all was severely affected...and it isn't as if I could help out if he needed me to!

 

We were caught in a bit of a rain during our journey...but who cared!?! I went down below to test out riding there...erm, did feel a bit of nausea so I went back up top! I was fine there...is that normal?

The Captain, of course, stayed put throughout! He looks quite serious there...

It was fantastic, but we still have some cleaning, sorting out, and maintenance work to do...and (for me) ***lots*** of learning to do. Having NO experience in boating myself, that kitchen area looks daunting, and very small (as does everything else)! Needless to say, we will be eating light fare or bringing something from home/restaurant for a while until I can figure out what the heck I'm doing!

With not being used to the controls or handling it before, he did so great! And *just* as we stopped, there was a *real* downpour that would have seriously drenched us, as if he timed it all on purpose perfectly.

Friday night (July 19th) we took a venture out to the marina to spend some time on the boat to get more familiar with things and figure out what we have and what we need. List begun and growing! David also enjoys fishing right there at the marina. With the temps in the 90s lately, we thought we had better test the air conditioning (along with everything else!). Even just sitting below, in the nearly surreal coolness, gently floating, reading one of our Springhouse magazines, was an experience unto itself. I couldn't believe how quiet it was...the soundproofing on the boat is incredible. I couldn't hear a thing going on outside...well, I guess the sound of the AC, that glorious AC, drowned out some of it.

As it turns out, there are several people out there that enjoy going to the marina to just hang out and party and/or go to the nearby island and shore up to cook out and party. Key word there is: party. What a great time these folks have! Such friendly and enjoyable people to be around, it's a bonus (and totally unexpected) that this kind of life is there, available. With a guy like "Fridge" who is known for coming around with a delicious plate of food to share, what is there not to like!?! David mentioned to Fridge that we would bring him some venison if he would like and his reply, "If it dies, it fries" gave us one heck of a good laugh.

Boy, have we needed people like these around us after the couple of months we have had! Actually, people like these being around is needed regardless...if more were like them, what a happy world we would have! Music, boating slip decks decorated with strings of lights, laughter and chatter...it becomes its own little world out there on the water.

Even when we moved here in October 2011, I never really expected to own a boat. It isn't as if I didn't have interest in it...and it isn't as if I ever did. As I mentioned before, my life before moving here was so different, it just never occurred to me. It's exciting to me to learn about this whole new experience of boating. While it's frightening with all there seems to be to learn (and dangerous if you don't know what you're doing!), it's also important for me to delve into the unknown. This old girl has been out of school a while and the brain cells need some invigorating! Methinks this fits the bill.

We have yet to name her though!

Chug chug chug....

I started an update earlier this month and it never went beyond Draft, and since I've had a couple of messages asking me about "why no updates?" I wanted to provide a quick one.

Unfortunately, June didn't treat us much kinder than May! After a major setback in David's shoulder, we are slowly but surely trying to regain momentum for a long fight ahead. He went back up north on July 11th to see a doctor who treated him successfully years ago, but after stabilizing David, running some blood tests and another MRI, David has now been referred to a specialist in St. Louis since his case is complicated. The doctor also wants David to see an infectious disease specialist since there could still be some infection, and affecting the bone. So, again we wait....which merely adds to the mental strain (and for David, physical agony) already suffered to date. Gradually moving forward helps somewhat, which thus far July has consisted of; it's the uncertainty and limbo that wears us down. With my own medical issues to deal with, it's been overwhelming to think much beyond functioning to get through the day.

We still maintain we are in the best place we can be to heal though!

I'll include below some tidbits of what I had in the original draft weeks ago:

It seems the bluebirds have more young already?!? We are seeing more in the nesting box, and were quite surprised to see more activity there so soon. Here is one doing while it's doing its daily run for insects!

 

Nelson the raccoon and his family have been enjoying their daily feasts with us; his missus has provided him with three young ones. A couple joined mama on our deck and one of them thought that hiding his eyes made him invisible.

Wrong! haha 

Oh, and that worry about not seeing hummingbirds? Ha! The charm is swarming our front deck and we are rapidly going through the sugar for their nectar! If anyone plays the stock market, buy shares in sugar! haha

Thank you to those that contacted me for their concern, I will hopefully be updating "very" soon! I have missed writing! David has found a way to take photos, so it's not been all doom and gloom and we've had an exciting addition to our life here. More on that later... :)

Until next time....